If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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