What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
