Girls should come with a carfax report
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
