Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
