I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
