I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
