Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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