Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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