I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
