My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
