OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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