i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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