the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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