I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
