Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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