He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
