im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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