so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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