he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We need to rekindle our bromance
nutella sex= disaster
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
