I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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