ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
