I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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