kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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