Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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