I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
