the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
