Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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