Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it's like iHOP with fire
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
