Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
