it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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