I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i drank out of a bidet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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