I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
