chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have demons in me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
