You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
they need to just BURY HIM!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
