he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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