cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
