we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
