Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
