not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
