the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
