I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
