take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
