Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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