His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
