hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
