A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we're so committed to being not committed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My vagina just clenched in fear
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