ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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