Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
