After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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