Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
