Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
