ya dads aren't the best wingmen
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
