I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
