omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
