Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
