Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize