Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
