So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
