Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
