I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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