u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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