I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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