im drinking this country out of the recession.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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