erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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