I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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