it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's blow job season.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
