You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
