Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
