Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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