My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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