I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
