I cannot find my penis.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
