She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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