Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
