Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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